Shizuru's Story
by crazykitsune17
Summary: Oneshot. Love square. There once was a girl named Kuwabara Shizuru. She was eighteen years old, from a poor family with nothing to her name but a couple cigarettes and a younger brother. Your average dropout.


A/N: Sometimes… the truth is better than fiction. Or rather, fictionalized truth is actually the best. Sorry for the delay, please read and review!

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Disclaimer: Characters here belong to Yoshihiro Togashi, whose last name I wished I owned. Seriously, how could would CK Togashi be? Pretty damn sweet…

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**Shizuru's Story**

_by crazykitsune17

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_

There once was a girl named Kuwabara Shizuru. She was eighteen years old, from a poor family with nothing to her name but a couple cigarettes and a younger brother. She had medium brown hair in a medium sort of length and medium colored eyes. Your average dropout.

This is her story.

One day, Shizuru's little brother, Kazuma, got mixed up with a kid called Yusuke Urameshi. This kid Yusuke was a real punk – often Kazuma would come home with bruises after a "fight", or rather ass-whooping, from him. However, Yusuke was a very special boy. He died and then got resurrected as a "Spirit Detective", which means he was real big and important with the ghosts and spirits of the dead and stuff. Pretty neat. Shizuru was a bit jealous.

Anyway, Kazuma and Yusuke formed a team with a couple of other punks, a cute redhead, Kurama, who looked a bit like a girl, and a short little guy with some crazy black hair and an attitude to match. The short one was named Hiei. Kurama and Hiei were both demons.

Now Yusuke was always getting into trouble with other badass demons. Usually, Kazuma would follow him around like a lovesick puppy and pull his butt out of trouble if he needed it. Kurama and Hiei helped too, of course. And Shizuru? Well, Shizuru just kind of hung out with this group when she could. Hell, they were pretty cool for being friends of her little brother.

One time, there was this thing called the "Dark Tournament", kinda like wrestling only with demons and a lot more carnage. Yusuke's team was the underdog, the only team with human fighters. Shizuru went to go watch this with a couple of other girls. It was cool, but awfully brutal. More than once, Shizuru watched her little brother and his teammates almost die.

This was where she _really_ got to know some of the fighters. Yeah, she did already "know" them, but just the basics. Yusuke Urameshi, 15, real cocky punk kid who loves to fight. Used reiki attacks. Kurama, reincarnated fox demon, smart kid, strategist with a kind heart. Did funny stuff with plants. Hiei, total badass fire demon who wasn't too fond of Shizuru's brother or any other human. Knew how to use a sword better than any crummy actor in a samurai film.

Of course there was Master Genkai, Yusuke's teacher, too. But then she… well, funny story, really. Well, not really funny because she died, but then she came back to life. Yeah, I know, weird, huh? Ah well, it happens to the best of us…

Anyway, Shizuru started getting more and more attached to the team – one member in particular. That badass boy with the sword, Hiei. He was kind of a jerk, always blowing her off and giving her these evil looks with his big red eyes, yet she stayed hopelessly in love with this… hell-borne demon spawn.

She tried talking to other teammates about Hiei and his… mysterious ways. She got the same answer every time:

"Hiei? Uh… well… he's… ah… 'antisocial'."

Antisocial. Well, no shit! Every time Shizuru tried to talk to the guy, it was always, "Leave me alone." "What do you want?" "Make it quick, I'm not in a good mood." "You'd better have a point to this, or I'll slit your throat!"

If that isn't "antisocial", then what the hell is?

Nevertheless, Shizuru tried again and again to gain Hiei's attention. She did dumb things that she later regretted, much like any other junior kid would when they had their petty little crushes. She would insult her brother loudly – not that she didn't do that anyway, just not as loud – so as to attract his attention and hopefully get into a good, deep conversation as to how much Kazuma sucked. It rarely ever happened.

Except for that one time…

"I can't stand my little brother. He's such a worthless twit," said Shizuru loudly one morning.

"Hn." Hiei nodded.

That was the first time she'd ever gotten any kind of real reaction out the guy. Granted, it wasn't _really_ a "reaction" since all he did was just nod his head and utter some monosyllabic noise, but it was better than nothing. At this point in time, Shizuru was taking whatever she could get. She never did have very high standards for men.

Well, anyway, the Tournament ended with the rest of the team more or less in one piece. Shizuru and the rest of the gang headed home to bitter normalcy, and she didn't see Hiei again for a very long time after that.

Shizuru was very lonely. She spent the little money she made on even more cigarettes, practically lopping off another eight years from her lifespan in the process. There was a gaping hole in her heart, deep and black like her sullen eyes at the time. Even her idiot brother noticed the change in Shizuru's demeanor.

"Hey, sis? What's the matter? You get dumped or somethin'?"

"Idiot. No, I didn't get dumped. I need a boyfriend to be dumped. And does it _look_ like I have a boyfriend? I don't think so. Now get outta here before I make your face look any funnier than it already does."

She was in bitter lamentation. Visiting the world of "missed opportunities". Not much else was on her mind but "Damn! I should've bagged him when I had the chance…" and "I hate men."

For men seemed to be her only weakness. Shizuru was a strong girl; she could easily take out any second-rate punk who messed with her little brother and even take out a few demons twice her size. She knew how to get what she wanted, whether it was money or another cigarette. She knew how to do almost anything and everything that mattered except… keep a boyfriend.

Sure, she'd had a couple of flings, but they never seemed to mean anything. Never to her and never to the guy she was with. They were depressing, hollow romances where more tears were shed during the "relationship" than after it. Almost as depressing as her lost chances with Hiei. Almost, but not quite.

Well, of course, fate took a turn for the better eventually, and once again Shizuru got to see Hiei. He was just the same as always – just as rude, just as ill-mannered, just as… "antisocial". Shizuru didn't know who she thought she was kidding. Of course Hiei would not have changed. He wouldn't have spent all his time away chain-smoking and pining for her presence like she had for him. He probably had already forgotten her name… if he even knew it in the first place.

Eventually, Shizuru got the balls to just go up and talk to him. She didn't want to let this chance slip away like the last time! She wasn't going to have him leave again – this time possibly forever – without her saying her piece!

So she said, "Hey."

Hiei grunted in reply.

"So… what have you been up to since the Dark Tournament?"

He turned his head slightly and glared at her. "Is that really any of your business?"

Shizuru was stumped at that question, so she just decided not to answer it. After a moment of awkward silence, she finally asked one of the most ridiculous questions in the history of mankind… well… one of the most ridiculous questions. There were others… but she wasn't about to stoop to the junior high level again…

"Did ya miss me?" Shizuru even offered a goofish smile to go along with the goofish question. What a ridiculous idiot.

"Hn. Was I supposed to?"

"Oh… well, no. I suppose not. I mean, it's your choice whether you want to miss me or not… just… well… eh-heh-heh?" Oh God, Shizuru was making a fool out of herself! So much for not stooping to junior high level!

"Hn… I don't waste my time thinking about humans."

"Oh. Well… I see. That's understandable…"

She left after that. Then she came back a few hours later, burning with a desire to see Hiei again. Literally, burning. It might've been something she ate, but her flaming heart was in her throat, and her face was flushed. She was about to ask another one of the most ridiculous questions in the history of mankind.

"Hiei, I… I've been thinking."

"Hn." He didn't even turn to look – er, glare – at her this time.

"And well… I dunno. Have you ever liked anyone?"

"No."

"Oh. Well… Maybe you could learn?" She lit up a cigarette and blew smoke at the back of his head.

"Hn. I don't think so."

Sheesh, tough crowd. Shizuru decided to take matters into her own hands then. If Hiei was going to be a stubborn bastard, then Shizuru was just going to be a pushy bitch!

"Well, that may be so, but…" And she leaned down and kissed him on the cheek. "I like you, Hiei."

Then she left. Simple as that.

Actually, she really just didn't want to stick around to see the look on Hiei's face after she had done that. So she left to go hide behind a tree some meters away, practically panting and gasping for breath while her heart pounded at the brave – or was it stupid? – act that she had just done. At the time, Shizuru considered it bravery, but later, she realized, it was just plain stupidity.

Shizuru and Hiei didn't really talk at all after that. Shizuru didn't really talk to anyone for a while, except for maybe Yukina or Keiko and the occasional Botan. Botan was a blabbermouth, though, so she couldn't ever tell anything to her. So the only people who knew her secret were Yukina and Keiko.

Of course, not even Yukina or Keiko could be trusted, for Yukina told her little brother, Kazuma, and Keiko told Yusuke. Botan and Kurama eventually found out somewhere along the way and soon enough, Shizuru was cornered; the whole world knew her little secret:

She had a crush on Hiei.

Oh dear, oh dear, Shizuru likes Hiei! Aww, so cute! They should get together! Heh, they're both kinda badass, what a perfect fit.

Shizuru didn't hear the end of it for at least two weeks.

Hiei, however, had absolutely nothing to say. Not even after Shizuru had stopped childishly avoiding him. He never did until about a month later, when he told Shizuru:

"Shizuru, I don't, and never will, have feelings for you. So just give up and I won't be forced to hurt you."

Well, gee, Hiei, it wasn't as if your words had the power of a dozen sharp knives stinging her chest anyway. Oh well. Whatever. That's fine. Life goes on…

"Oh… o…kay?"

Hiei shrugged into his coat and shot Shizuru one glance that actually didn't resemble a glare. It would've been nice if Shizuru hadn't just had her life threatened over something she couldn't help. It was like telling a kid with cerebral palsy to quit shaking or you'd slit their throat.

In any case Shizuru valued her life, so she walked off without another word to Hiei. If she had looked back, she probably would have seen him shrugging, no sign of guilt or of reconsidering, a look in his eyes wanting to call her back…

She didn't look back though.

Well, eventually, time passed on, Shizuru growing steadily more and more melancholy, and even more melancholy still while everyone else around her talked about who they liked. Her little brother talked about Yukina. Yukina talked about Kurama. Yusuke and Keiko talked about each other, God, it was annoying! And to make matters worse, Shizuru even heard through the grapevine that Hiei _did_ in fact "learn to love" (or as close to love as he could get)… he just happened to learn to love Botan.

Botan was a good friend of Shizuru's, and the two of them talked often. Botan was a bit wacky and bubbly for Shizuru's tastes, and Shizuru smoked too much for Botan's tastes, but the two were able to put up with each other for long periods of time, so it was all good. Botan was notorious for her crush on Kurama. Oh yes, it was an all-out, junior high school girl crush. Complete with love notes she never sent, meticulous attention paid to her hair and outfits to look "supercute" "just for him", and the various scribblings in her journal. Shizuru had never actually _read_ Botan's journal, but she could only guess that it was full of things like, "Mrs. Botan Minamino" and "Kurama + Botan Luv".

So did Shizuru think that Botan would ever like Hiei back once she found out about his feelings for her? Never.

"Well, Shizuru-chan, I never told you this, but…"

And the story continued to say that Botan did, in fact, have a crush on Hiei at the very same time Shizuru did. She just didn't tell her because "she was too good of a friend." Brilliant. Absolutely brilliant. Brownie points for Botan.

Shizuru blinked after the story and said, "Oh. But… you still like Kurama, right?"

"Oh yes, absolutely!" gushed Botan, her bright pink eyes aflame with so many sparkles it looked like they were about to explode. "He's my number one; I'm totally in love with him." A Girl Scout smile spread across her pretty face.

"Right."

It wasn't long after Hiei's startling revelation that the anger flared up in Shizuru. Actually, it was about three seconds. She wanted to punch something – _him_ – badly. Instead, she contented herself with punching the nearest wall, which dented and bruised up her knuckles until they were as black and blue as Hiei's hair.

Then she got to thinking: _I don't really need Hiei anyway. He may have just been the only one I've ever really loved, yet all he did was hurt me, ignore me, and insult me. What is the use in a man who threatens to kill you if you ever do so much as brush shoulders ever again? He is a stubborn bastard, and he won't change, not even for you. Just let him have Botan… They'd be better off together; who am I to become jealous?_

Three days later came another stunning revelation. This time, from someone Shizuru least expected. Kurama.

"Shizuru… can I… talk to you for a second?"

Shizuru stopped blank in her tracks. She had been walking on her way home from the pachinko arcade after blowing the last of her money on little silver balls and cigarettes when the redhead seemed to appear out of nowhere. _Must be one of his Youko tricks… popping out of nowhere_. Shizuru half-smiled.

"Yeah? What do you want?"

The wind blew Kurama's hair back like it was some kind of important ceremony. The little red strands flew perfectly, didn't get messed up the way hair is supposed to when it blows in the wind. Shizuru shoved her hands in her pockets, finding herself jealous as her own hair just flopped messily in front of her face.

Kurama slid his own hands into his pockets. He shrugged into his orange jacket and tossed his head, smiling. Shizuru stared blankly back.

Finally, after about a minutes' time, Kurama brushed past Shizuru, pushing the hair away from her ear and kissing it. He whispered softly, "I don't know what to do. I think I love you, Shizuru."

Shizuru's eyes widened and she felt her limbs freeze. Kurama kissed her cheek, smiled again, then continued on his way in the opposite direction, not waiting for her response. Not like she could make one; she was too stunned to even breathe. Soon, she found herself doubling over, coughing and gasping from the lack of oxygen.

_Kurama…? Me…? What…?_

Never in a million years did Shizuru expect this! Kurama knew Botan was all goo-goo eyed over him – he'd have to be an idiot not to, and Kurama was an all-star student – why would he just ignore that and tell Shizuru in the middle of a crowded street that he _thinks_ he loves her. Which meant he did. When Kurama thinks, he _knows_.

Shizuru swallowed heavily and wiped her sweaty palms on the front of her jeans and continued on her way.

Days later, Botan called. Shizuru hesitantly picked up the phone. Her hands trembled; she was afraid to talk to Botan. Kurama had been dropping so many hints it was almost pathetic. He went out of his way to see Shizuru every day, and every now and then, his eyes would glint gold as he all but begged to steal a kiss from her.

"Hel…lo?"

"Shizuru?" Botan's voice was low. Shizuru gulped.

"Yeah?"

"Do you… like Kurama?"

"…"

There was a long pause. "I knew it." And she hung up.

"Wait!" Shizuru cried into the phone, but the line was already dead. She listened to the phone buzz in her limp hand for a moment before clumsily putting it back into its cradle. She sighed. "Wait…"

Almost ten minutes later, Kurama called.

"Yeah?"

"Shizuru, I… just talked to Botan…"

"Oh…" So many questions Shizuru had to ask, but none that would come out as anything other than "Oh".

"And… she's okay with us. With me liking you."

"…Okay."

"But Shizuru, I have to know…"

"Hmm?"

"Do you like me back?"

Shizuru took a long pause to think about it. She _did_ like Kurama. She liked Hiei too, slightly, still, but he was a lost, hopeless cause. He didn't want her at all, and he wanted her best friend. She smiled in the ironic situation. Hiei's best friend was in love with Shizuru, and Shizuru's best friend was in love with Kurama. She let out the tiniest of hopeless chuckles.

Finally, she answered, "Yes, Kurama. I do."

She could hear a sharp intake of breath on the other end. Her own pulse seemed to speed up and she could almost see him smiling, gripping the phone in his hand with a mix of elation and anxiety. She, too, was anxious. How did Botan _really_ feel about this? She would have to talk to her later…

"Just… just do it already," Botan had said when Shizuru called her later that night. "Just get it over with, don't delay because of my feelings."

"I… but…" Shizuru was struggling for the right words to say. "I…"

"I still love him," confessed Botan, "but if you want him, that's fine. Why should you back off for my sake?"

"Because you liked him first! It's… it's only fair that you get to have him…" Shizuru said, defeated. She didn't want Botan to have Kurama for herself, but she knew that Botan deserved him a lot more than she did. She wasn't even sure how much she liked him! Botan was…

"You don't know what you're saying, Shizuru. Listen to yourself!" Botan cried, voice cracking. "He doesn't even like me, he likes you, and that's just how it's going to go! I'll always just be 'second-best' to him!" She broke out into tears.

"Botan, I…"

"I need to be alone."

Shizuru found herself once again holding a buzzing phone in her hand. Sighing, she hung up, then flopped onto her back on the couch, staring up at the ceiling. The ceiling fun rotated round and round, slowly, hardly fast enough to properly ventilate the room. Shizuru wiped her bangs from her forehead and laid the back of her hand against her face. It was hot, probably red too, if she bothered to look in a mirror. She was feverish; not the physical sick kind of fever, but the apprehensive, nervous, confused sort of fever that some people tend to get.

She was apprehensive because she wasn't sure how Botan was going to take things. She was nervous because she wasn't sure what Kurama was going to do either. And she was confused. Confused about her own feelings…

_I… Yes. I want him._

The next night, Shizuru was pulling a late night on the computer, chatting it up with friends on her brother's AOL screen name. She was having fun pretending to be Kazuma and talking to Keiko about she and Yusuke "sittin' in a tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G!" and trying to talk to Botan. Botan wasn't the most talkative, but eventually, around three in the morning, she came around.

**PinkDeath78x**: u noe wat? i give up. im done worrying about kurama. u can have him. i dont want to have a war wit u over this. he likes u better neways. just go wit him n be hapy. dont worry bout me

**TheGreatKazuma**: u sure? i… i dont want u to b hurt……

**PinkDeath78x**: i told u, dont worry bout me. lets leave it at that. ill b fine. i can live w/out kurama n u deserve to b hapy wit him.

**TheGreatKazuma**: thnx… i love u botan

**PinkDeath78x**: yeah… love u 2. :)

At five in the morning, Kurama signed on.

**Minamino123**: Hey.

**TheGreatKazuma**: hey this is shizuru

**Minamino123**: Oh good. I wanted to talk to you.

**TheGreatKazuma**: ok

**Minamino123**: This is… a little bit difficult to say…

**TheGreatKazuma**: …

**Minamino123**: It's like, I don't feel it's right, but I want to ask this so bad…

**TheGreatKazuma**: …! Get on with it!

**Minamino123**: Shizuru… will you…

**Minamino123**: Shizuru, I love you.

**TheGreatKazuma**: thnx, i love u 2. but whut did u want 2 ask?

**Minamino123**: Shizuru, will you go out with me?

Shizuru paused for all of twenty seconds. She had that frozen feeling in her bones again. This! This was the moment she had been waiting for! This was what she wanted… Kurama…

Hiei was a thing of the past. To hell with him, the stubborn bastard! It was all about Kurama now… Kurama…

Shizuru's heart jumped into her throat, and a big smile spread across her face. Trembling, her hands touched on the home row keys and she typed…

**TheGreatKazuma**: YES!

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And that's my story.

-Shizuru Kuwabara

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--crazykitsune17-- 


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